Oct. 11: Dear Sylvia, you can count on my help...
Oct. 14: I have selected you to be included in a book I plan to write. If all goes well, I will be able to send you A CHECK FOR $300, MADE OUT TO YOUR NAME. . . . OVER 97% OF PEOPLE who had never won anything (or only very small amounts) STARTED WINNING ALL AT ONCE, THANKS TO AN ASTRAL READING . . .
Oct. 16: Your free reading is ready. . . I spent more than 13 hours performing an in-depth study of your case. . . . Your dominant planet is: Uranus. [That, remarkably, is true, but it's true of all Aquarians.]
Oct. 20: A VERY LARGE JACKPOT WILL SOON BE YOURS, Sylvia! I have a visionary gift that few mediums possess. A secret power allows me to see into the future and DETECT THE SPECIFIC DATES AND WINNING NUMBERS you have to use to ensure that luck is on your side. I’ll tell you when the right time is. But for now. . . there is an evil influence at work which wants to attract bad luck into your life, and prevent large sums of money from reaching you. . .
Oct. 22: Dear Sylvia, it's certain! Great good fortune should enter your life in the next 30 days. . . . In my dream I saw you feverishly waving a game receipt, jumping for joy as the winning numbers were announced. . .
Oct. 28: Sylvia, an urgent and personal message: . . . there is an exceptional configuration of a number of particularly influential astral planets [sic] that affect your luck, your happiness and your success. This rare conjunction only happens every 9 years. . . . ATTENTION: THIS EXCEPTIONAL MOMENT MAY NEVER COME AGAIN [but, Tara, you just said it happens every 9 years!]. . . I AM GOING TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND DO SOMETHING VERY UNUSUAL FOR YOU. . . perform A MAGIC ASTRAL CEREMONY OF PROTECTION on your behalf. . . .
Oct. 29: Sylvia, read this quickly, there is no time to waste . . .
Zero stars out of five for nailing only one astrological fact, and exploiting the hopes and worries of the saddest and most desperate people.
Sylvia Sky, experienced astrologer, monitors 70-plus horoscope sites for quality and accuracy. Copyright 2010 by Sylvia Sky.