Horoscope Review: Gabriella, as Psychic as a Toilet Seat

After you click on a line ad saying “Free Horoscope Reading” and send your information, Gabriella Psychic and Spiritual Medium sends an email with a confirmation link. It says, in part, “our meeting is no accident. . . .The proof of this is that I’ve just now had a vision: United States, that’s where happened [sic]. That’s why I’ve decided to let you benefit from a special priority Reading. Please, note that I can only do that for people for which I feel a deep and special connection.”

Then in an hour or two Gabriella emails: “Yes, Sylvia, in you I have discovered someone of high morals and ethics who is also extremely sensitive.” This email links to my “reading,” not of a horoscope, but of three Tarot cards. Later, using a different name and email address, I requested another “reading" and got one that was identical. Both times Gabriella recommended a “Grand Indepth Astral Reading.” But her "inner voice" told her I couldn’t pay $200, her usual fee, so she will charge me only $49. She furnished a convenient link for my credit card or PayPal payment. A bit later I get an email saying slyly, “I know you have read my email.” She knows because I gave her that confirmation link that let her track me. The next email begins, “Sylvia, I don’t want to panic you, but…” and further emails pestered me every few hours until I unsubscribed.

Gabriella’s testimonials include nameless people photographed with supersized checks from Vegas and lotteries. Her bio says she studied astrology alongside a 33rd degree Grand Master and is the only Westerner taught "the secrets of" celestial magic by “the great Indian Master Shri Maliki.” Then there’s a quote from Clairvoyance Mag : “Several foreign magazines have already voted Gabriella ‘Best Psychic of the Year’…”

Needless to say, there is no Clairvoyance magazine or “Best Psychic of the Year” award. Her Indian Master is not referenced anywhere else on the Net; “Maliki” is in fact a form of Sunni Islam canon law; nothing celestial about it. The title “Grand Master” is given to every top officer in local freemason chapters, and their “33rd degree” designation, although it sounds dramatic, is meaningless, like the honorary degrees that colleges give their wealthy donors. Even if Masons were astrologers, which they aren’t, their men-only club wouldn’t be training women. Maybe Gabriella did study astrology “alongside” her freemason grandpa, but she gave no indication that she knows or practices astrology at all. I foresee that it’s best if you avoid Gabriella. She's about as psychic as a toilet seat. Rating: zero stars out of five.

Sylvia Sky, experienced astrologer, monitors 70-plus online horoscope sites for quality and accuracy. Read more horoscope reviews clicking here. Copyright 2010 by Sylvia Sky.

Monthly: Astrologyzone.com

Let's start with my absolute favorite monthly horoscope, Susan Miller's astrologyzone.com. Miller's a certified astrologer with a huge following because she writes lengthy, detailed, highly specific monthly forecasts for each sign for free. They appear around the first of the month, and they are so good that another horoscope site, which does fairly good daily and weekly scopes, www.dailyscopes.com, refers you to Miller's site for monthly forecasts.

Miller offers daily horoscopes by email for $4.95, and I'm tempted, but by searching I thought I'd found a place where I could read them for free. I was wrong. When writing monthly forecasts Miller will refer to the reader, distinctively, as "dear Aquarius" (or "dear Virgo," or whatever). I'd found a daily scope that used the "dear" and sounded so much like Miller I was convinced. But Miller assures me that those are not her scopes; they are the work of imitators.

One year I ordered Miller's wall calendar but did not like the dark and swampish New Age paintings that served as their illustrations. But Susan Miller, astrologer, has my total respect and -- trust me -- that's saying a lot. Five stars out of five, especially for those two-thousand-word monthly scopes!